Monday, March 15, 2010
Trying
Well this last week sure was different. First, let me start off by thanking everyone for their thoughts & prayers for Solsey. I was overwhelmed by the support and kind words for her. It just goes to show how Solsey had a way of really drawing everyone in.
Last week was tough. Being a senior, Solsey's passing was something that crossed my mind more often than I would like to admit (especially since Christmas). I thought I was preparing myself, but I really don't think you can be prepared at all. I guess, what I was doing was tuning in more to her to make sure she didn't suffer. I wanted her to soak up every drop of life, but as soon as the suffering outweighed the good, I wanted to do right by her. But, in then end, you didn't need to be closely tuned in to see that breathing just became too difficult for her. And while I am prone to over analyzing and being a bit too hard on myself, I think we came pretty darn close to helping her squeeze every last drop out of life with minimal suffering.
One thing I have learned over the past week is that nothing can prepare you for the loss of such a presence in the house. I miss her in so many ways I never imagined. I didn't think the house would be as quiet as it is. I mean after all we have three other pugs running around, but it is eerily quiet around here.
Benjamin, Henry, Luna & Cupid have taken Solsey's passing way harder than I anticipated. Not once have the pugs woken us up in the wee hours of the morning in order to eat breakfast. On Saturday, the pugs didn't even eat breakfast until after 9 AM which is unheard of around here. I know we are sad, but it is heartbreaking to see a mopey pug.
Even Cupid has been staying very close, joining us all on the sofa. Not just on the back where she usually lays, but actually snuggling in and claiming a lap for herself, as well.
In the last week, so many thoughts and emotions have swirled around my head. Of course I have some regrets, memories I wished I had captured not only in my mind, but also in photos so could be sure I would never forget. It is likely that I will share some of those things over the coming weeks. I'm not exactly sure what form the blog will take in the near future. We may not be as happy-go-lucky as we have been in the past. And while we have cried plenty of tears this week, rest assured we have also shared a lot of laughs. We have been retelling "remember when Solsey..." stories all week, which can't help but make you smile.
Our thoughts are still with you.
Caroline
03/15/2010
Every time-every single time-I’ve lost a dog or cat, I knew it was coming…either because they were old and frail or because they had serious health issues when I got them. Each time, I too thought I could prepare for their loss, it never worked out that way. I’ve no doubt I cried as hard and missed them as much as if I’d never contemplated them being gone.
The silence is without them is so hard. Looking down and seeing someone missing breaks your heart each time, too. And seeing the others missing them, reminds us how much more is going on in their little heads than we ever imagined.
I’m so glad you’re back, Corrine. Whatever form ownedbypugs.com takes, I’ll be there. Losing Solsey showed me how much I care about all of your pugs, and Cupid, and you.